


Explicitly Yours.

by themoononastick



Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-16
Updated: 2011-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-20 11:50:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoononastick/pseuds/themoononastick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Explicitly Yours.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to zelda_zee & crowgirl13 for the beta.

Spencer leans back and tries to follow Jon and Ryan’s conversation. It’s not easy. It’s too peppered with references to things that only make sense to them, jokes too private for him to demand an explanation or to laugh along with. But he doesn’t mind all that much, he’s comfortable here, sitting slouched on one of the beds in Jon and Ryan’s hotel room, a pillow propped between his back and the headboard and the weight of Ryan warm next to him, contact shifting as Ryan leans forward to speak to Jon, who’s cross-legged on the bed in front of them, then back again as he barks out a laugh. There’s an ashtray on the covers between them that wavers precariously on the verge of tipping over every time Ryan or Jon move and there’s a voice in Spencer’s head that’s tutting and flailing about smoking in bed and its inherent dangers, but it’s only a tiny voice that’s so far been strong-armed into silence by the part of him that’s thinking _mmmm comfortable, warm_ and the much larger part that’s thinking _pass the fucking joint already, Jon, jesus._

Ryan’s clearly thinking the exact same thing because the next time Jon raises the joint to his mouth to take a drag Ryan huffs out a breath and raises an eyebrow in pointed query. Jon at least has the decency to look sheepish as he takes a sharp drag in that makes the ember glow orange-red and sparkle. Jon holds his breath, doesn’t take the smoke all the way down, just sits staring more and more bug-eyed at Ryan, obviously trying to tell him something that Ryan doesn’t have a clue about. Just as Spencer is about to say ‘breathe, Jon, breathe’ Jon gives up with the psychic thing and reaches out, twisting a hand into Ryan’s t-shirt and dragging him forward until Ryan’s eye to eye with Jon and their lips are just millimeters apart. Ryan lets out a startled half-yelp and then an _oh_ as he finally catches on. Spencer watches Jon’s lips curl into a circle, hovering just in front of Ryan’s open mouth, watches the way that Ryan breathes in the smoke that Jon blows in a thin stream over and between his lips.

It’s so intimate, Spencer thinks, like he’s watching something he shouldn’t. Somehow this innocent act seems more intimate than the times he’s stumbled across the two of them hidden away in dressing rooms they thought were deserted or when he’s heard them on the bus when they thought everyone was asleep. And when Ryan turns his head to release the smoke and then turns back, pressing a quick kiss to Jon’s lips before leaning close and whispering something in Jon’s ear that makes him smile so wide, makes him fucking beam, Spencer has to look away. Because, yeah, he’s fine with the two of them being together. Ryan’s happier than Spencer’s seen him, well, _ever_ and Jon’s happy too. And that’s good. It’s good for them and it’s good for the band, so, yeah, Spencer isn’t jealous of the pair of them. And he doesn’t have any regrets about the fact that it used to be _him_ that made Jon smile that hard, because he and Jon, well. It wasn’t like they made a commitment to each other or anything or, fuck, even talked much about whatever it was they had, they just hooked up on occasion when the mood took them and now they don‘t and yeah, Spencer doesn’t regret that Jon’s with Ryan now and not with him anymore, he doesn’t, honestly, it’s just that...

Okay, fine, so maybe there is a part of Spencer that does mind, minds very fucking much, thank you. It’s the part that wanted to smack Ryan in the face when he first said, "Hey, so me and Jon hooked up last night, we were kind of wasted and... you don’t mind, right, it’s not like you guys were dating." and it’s the part that wants to sit Jon down and ask "So what’s Ryan got that I don’t?" Spencer calls this part of himself his inner teenage girl - he thinks she probably came into being around the time Ryan convinced him that girl-cut jeans were a good idea - and most of the time he locks her away along with his inner mom who is still thinking that ashtrays and bedding don’t mix. Spencer thinks they’ll get on like a house on fire, or maybe a bed, heh. He also thinks maybe he should cut back on smoking weed before the split personality he’s cultivating starts to manifest itself outside of his head.

Spencer’s so busy trying not to fold his arms across his chest and pout like his inner girl-child wants him to, focusing his eyes anywhere but on the bed in front of him – like on the carpet which, wow, is disgusting – that he nearly misses the sound of Jon inhaling sharply again. Nearly, but not quite, it registers in a _lalala not listening_ kind of a way because Spencer’s mind flashes back to other times when he’s heard Jon’s breath hitch like that and those times had nothing to do with Jon dragging on the last of the joint and everything to do with Ryan and Jon, RyanandJon. It’s not until he feels the bed dip and looks up to see Jon crawling slowly towards him, hands and knees on either side of Spencer’s outstretched legs, until Jon is closer than he’s been in months, just _there_ , face hovering in front of Spencer’s, mouth turning at the corners like he’s trying to hold back a grin. Jon bites just a little at his lip, quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t say anything. Spencer’s brow furrows in confusion until he realizes that Jon is very determinedly trying his hardest not to breathe and Spencer thinks “Oh, _Oh!_ ” and then "okay" . Leans forward until their lips don’t quite meet and breathes in the smoke and air that Jon blows towards him. Spencer’s eyes close without his permission as his lungs fill and he does his best not to cough the smoke back out into Jon’s face. He holds it inside for as long as he can then slowly lets it slide out of the corner of his mouth because Jon is still there, still right in front of him, too close for Spencer to turn his head away.

Spencer thinks maybe one of them should speak because there’s the beginning of a weird kind of tension building up between them but just as he opens his mouth Jon smiles and says "Hi, Spence, hi." and then leans in and kisses him. It’s so unexpected that Spencer can’t do anything but huff out a _huh?_ of surprise that makes his mouth open against Jon’s. Jon takes that as an invitation, pushing forward, pushing Spencer back against the pillow behind him, licking into his mouth in a way that Jon hasn’t done for months, that makes Spencer realize he misses Jon, misses _this_ more than he was ever willing to let himself admit. He puts a hand out flat to Jon’s chest, meaning to push him away but instead his hand curls into the material of Jon’s shirt, pulls him closer as he sinks into the feel of Jon’s mouth and Jon’s hands coming up to frame his face.

The bed dips again and Spencer thinks _fuck, Ryan_ \- Ryan’s here and he and Jon shouldn’t be doing this, not with Ryan sitting next to them. Spencer uncurls his fingers from Jon’s shirt and flails his hand out trying to find where Ryan is. Spencer’s got his eyes closed and he doesn’t want to open them, doesn’t want to see the hurt or the anger that he’s put on Ryan’s face. He says Ryan’s name meaning it to sound like a question but it comes out panicked and guilty sounding and not loud enough to cover the way Jon’s saying _miss you, miss you_ , as he drops kisses down Spencer’s jaw and mouths at Spencer’s neck. And finally, finally his hand comes into contact with Ryan’s and for a second it calms him down, grounds him a little but then Jon’s kissing him again and Spencer feels Ryan lean closer, feels Ryan’s breath ghosting against his face and, seriously, there’s no way in hell this night is going to turn out well. Spencer thinks that if only the ‘drugs are bad’ films they’d watched in health class had included this particular scenario then maybe, maybe he would have taken more notice and known when to just say no.

Spencer’s so busy freaking the fuck out that he almost misses Ryan saying his name, hears an echo of it rather than a solid word, and it’s only when Ryan says "Spence, hey Spence, it’s okay." and Jon moves back just enough to let him turn his head, that Spencer registers that Ryan doesn’t sound hurt or angry or anything that he expects him to. Spencer opens his eyes and Ryan is right beside him, holding Spencer’s hand and smiling like everything’s normal and fine and like Spencer isn’t making out with the guy Ryan is sleeping with right there in front of him. And then - then Ryan kisses him and it’s new and old, strange and familiar all at the same time and Spencer’s pretty sure he hears all the little voices in his head throw their hands up in disgust and stomp off to find somewhere quiet to sulk. Because, what the fuck? He’s got Ryan kissing him and Jon fumbling with the buttons on his shirt and sucking at his neck in a way that Spencer _knows_ is going to leave a mark and would someone please tell him what the fuck is going on right fucking now.

Spencer pushes Ryan and Jon away saying, "Stop!" with enough force that the sound of it seems to echo around the room. They both blink at him, Ryan still holding his hand but gripping it so tight now that Spencer is sure he can feel his bones grinding together and Jon - Jon looks like Spencer threw freezing water over him or kicked one of his cats. And Spencer knows he should be trying to fix this because that’s what he does but he’s suddenly so fucking angry at the pair of them that he can’t see straight.

"Look, I don’t know what kind of twisted game you two are playing but leave me out of it, okay?" Spencer is almost surprised at the venom in his voice. Almost, but not quite.

It’s Ryan who speaks. Jon is still staring, open-mouthed and sad.

"No, no, Spence, it’s not like that" Ryan falters, searching for words, "Jon wants... and I said I was okay with it, and we thought..."

"You thought what?" Spencer snorts, he can’t help himself, "That I’d make a nice little present for your boyfriend for the evening? Well I’m sorry but I... I can’t..."

"Listen to me Spence," Ryan’s voice is quiet, pitched at the volume he uses to talk about Important Things. Spencer thinks idly that Ryan’s life would be so much easier if it was a little less monotone. "It’s not like that. Look, we’ve talked about this, like, a lot and… _we_ want you, Jon never stopped wanting you and it’s not like we’ve never... and we just thought that maybe you’d want _us_ "

Spencer stares at the pair of them, trying to figure out what is _really_ going on. Jon is looking at him with a small, hopeful smile, his face open and honest like it always is because Jon isn’t any good at hiding things when he’s stoned, and Ryan - Ryan is looking anywhere but at Spencer, the fingers of one hand picking at invisible pieces of lint on the leg of his jeans. Spencer recognizes the action, it’s what Ryan does when he’s feeling guilty about something but isn’t willing to admit it. Which. Is odd. Or maybe not, maybe Spencer hasn’t been as good at hiding his feelings about Jon and Ryan, RyanandJon, as he thought. And, okay, if anyone was going to pick up on it then it makes sense that it would be Ryan because Ryan can read Spencer’s emotions - even the ones he tries to keep hidden - just as well as Spencer can read Ryan’s. So. What? Ryan feels guilty about the fact that Spencer and Jon are no longer fucking so he’s trying to make up for it with some badly thought out threesome action? Spencer can’t decide which is the crazier, the fact that Ryan thought this would help with whatever guilt trip he’s on or the fact that Spencer is just stoned enough to be interested. Because. Hey, threesome, he’s only human, right? But. Spencer is pretty sure that at some point he needs to sit Ryan down (and possibly Jon) and have a chat with him about _things_. And maybe hide Ryan’s stash. Spencer is also pretty sure they’re no longer a band - they’re a big gay soap opera that lives on a bus and travels from town to town spreading their own special brand of insanity in their wake. Also? They could have asked.

"You could have asked." Spencer is vaguely aware that he sounds a little like he’s whining, so he does his best to cover it up with a defiant stare.

"Yeah, we could have done," Jon shrugs, "and we probably should’ve but we didn’t and we’re sorry and can we get back to the part where we’re making out again because I kinda like that part a lot."

There are times when Jon’s laid-back about everything attitude makes Spencer want to punch him in the face. This would be one of those times.

"Fuck. Jon!"

Ryan mutters "Well, yeah, that was the plan." Under his breath, Spencer chooses to ignore him and focus on what Jon’s saying instead.

"Don’t think too hard about it, just..." Jon reaches out and puts a hand on Spencer’s arm. "What do _you_ want?"

"I want..." Honestly? Spencer thinks. Jon, I want Jon but if the only way I can have him is to have Ryan as well, then fine, okay. And he waves his hand at the two of them, trying to force a smile on to his face. "I want this."

"Good ‘cos the general idea was for Jon to blow you while I fuck him. Also? There needs to be a lot less clothing right about now."

And there are times when Ryan’s frantic need to be in control of every situation and his bossy as fuck attitude make Spencer want to punch _him_.

"Jesus, Ryan! What the fuck?"

"Just sayin’." Ryan looks like he can’t work out what the hell Spencer’s problem is. "Oh what, did you want me to put it in more delicate terms or something? ‘Cos if you give me a couple of minutes I can probably come up with a metaphor that sums up the idea nicely. I dunno, something about cake and eating but fancier and with maybe some astronomical terms thrown in"

"God no, please." Jon rolls his eyes and laughs, "Less metaphors, more fucking."

Spencer can’t help himself, he has to laugh at the pissy look on Ryan’s face, and at the way Jon is giggling to himself as he pulls his t-shirt over his head and flings it to the floor. And yeah, maybe it’s the weed and maybe it’s the fact that making fun of Ryan will never get old and maybe this is the stupidest idea any of them have ever had but, fuck it, Spencer doesn’t care any more, so he reaches out and pulls Ryan to him and does his best to kiss a smile back onto Ryan’s face.

It feels strange kissing Ryan, brings back memories of hormone spikes and confusion and adolescent fumbling in darkened bedrooms, but Spencer tries his hardest not to think about that, to replace the old feelings with new ones and focus on the here and now rather than a past that in some ways is best left forgotten. He kisses Ryan slowly, carefully, re-learning the shape of his mouth and the feel of it pressed hard against his, tasting the bitter traces of smoke that linger on Ryan’s tongue and liking the way that tracing his fingers down the line of Ryan’s neck produces the tiniest of moans and makes Ryan surge forward. Spencer hears Jon say _fuck, yeah_ and Spencer wonders how this looks to Jon, what the sight of him and Ryan kissing makes Jon feel. So Spencer reaches out for him, Jon catching his hand and pressing a kiss against the palm before Spencer slides it round the back of his neck and pulls him closer until Jon’s right there with them and the three of them are kissing in a tangle of mouths and tongues that’s awkward and doesn’t really work, but does at the same time.

There’s a difference between them, Spencer thinks, between Jon’s beard scratching at his skin and the smoother feel of Ryan’s face, between Jon who kisses urgently, a little demanding, and Ryan who kisses softer, more carefully, but then Spencer remembers that he wanted to see what Jon saw and he pulls back, nudges Ryan and Jon towards each other so they’re kissing without him and he watches the way they melt into each other, their mouths moving open and wet and he thinks that _fuck, yeah_ just about sums it up perfectly. Spencer tries his hardest to push down the voice that’s telling him he’s the outsider, that they don’t need him and there’s no room for him really and that this – this is probably the only time he’s going to see this, so really he should watch and learn and make sure he memorizes every second of it so that when he walks away after it’s done he will have something to think about when he’s back on his own again.

But he’s not going to think like that, he’s fucking not, okay? Spencer tells his inner voice to shut the fuck up and leave him alone for a change and thinks, _right if I’m going to do this then I need to be wearing less clothes, and so do they_ , so he finishes the job that Jon started and unbuttons his shirt and slings it to the floor on top of Jon’s and then leans forward, pushing his hands under the hem of Ryan’s t-shirt, lifting it up until he can’t get it any further because Ryan’s still kissing Jon. Spencer clears his throat to get their attention and arches an eyebrow when Jon makes a disgruntled sound as Ryan pulls away. Ryan’s eyes look unfocused for a second before he snaps back to the room and lifts his arms letting Spencer pull the t-shirt over his head and off.

They all sit back and just stare at each other for a moment and Spencer thinks this is when it gets weird, this is when Jon realizes he doesn’t want me and Ryan realizes he doesn’t want to share and I end up standing in the hallway on the other side of their door clutching my clothes and looking like the world’s biggest idiot and then in the morning the band will split up and it will all be my fault and Pete will make not-so-subtle posts about friends who should only be friends and how sex ruins everything and greedy people never prosper on all 50 million of his blogs.

Spencer thinks he might be thisclose to hyperventilating and he also thinks that he definitely needs to cut back on the smoking thing because guess what, weed does make you paranoid and stupid. Who knew? Spencer also thinks he might have said some of that out loud because Jon and Ryan are looking at him with thinly disguised amusement and that is so not fair. Spencer blusters through it, mutters some excuse about how they look hot together and hey, why isn’t anyone touching him anymore, he’s pretty sure he was promised some touching, and Ryan rolls his eyes and says "Bossy much?" and Jon just grins and crawls a little closer and tries to work out what Spencer had for dinner that night, with his tongue.

The thing is, Spencer is pretty far from sober, sober is at least half a dozen zip codes away from where he is right now so, yeah, it takes him a minute to grasp what Jon is trying to do when he starts licking and biting his way down Spencer’s neck and chest as his hands pull and tug at Spencer’s jeans. In fact, it takes Ryan kissing him and saying “it would be easier if you move” against his mouth for Spencer to totally get with the program. But when he does he has to admit it’s a fucking good program, amazingly good in fact. One that has Jon pulling his pants off then slowly working his way up between Spencer’s legs, mouthing kisses on his ankles, behind his knees, along the inside of his thighs and, yeah, Spencer is turned the fuck on and his cock is hard and leaking a little against his belly but the weed has softened the edges of it so there’s no urgency, no rush, just this constant shiver of pleasure that seems to be zipping around the whole of his body every time Jon’s mouth touches his skin.

When Jon sucks hard at the hollow of his hip Spencer arches up and groans into Ryan’s mouth which is covering his all of a sudden and he wraps his arm around Ryan’s waist, pulling him close, keeping him there. And when Jon licks a stripe, slow and leisurely, up his cock and then mouths at the head like the fucking tease Spencer remembers him being, Spencer can’t help but scrabble for Ryan’s belt and try to do something about the fact that he needs there to be more naked and more skin and more of everything and something to take his attention away from the fact that Jon’s mouth is sinking down over his cock and he can feel it as the head scrapes at the back of Jon’s throat and Jon pulls back gagging just a little.

Spencer forgets about Ryan’s belt and the need for more naked and looks down watching the way Jon’s head moves between his legs, lightly twisting his fingers into Jon’s hair, not to control him just for some contact. Jon is taking it slowly, savoring it, and Spencer can feel the pressure of Jon’s tongue against him, the slight scrape of teeth on the upslide and the way that Jon’s mouth is sloppy and wide and wet and open. Ryan leans in close and whispers "I fucking love him like this, don’t you?" and Spencer thinks _yeah, yeah I do, you have no idea_ , and okay, maybe the weed and the fact that his brain is slowly being sucked out through his dick is beginning to get to him and he should probably think about getting a grip before he says something he’ll regret.

Ryan’s hand covers his in Jon’s hair, pushing Jon’s head down and Spencer takes his own away and lets Ryan have control. Ryan has his head tilted to one side the way he does when he’s trying to figure out a puzzle or trying to make words and music fit together and Spencer tries not to read too much into that and concentrates and how fucking hot it is to have Jon blowing him while Ryan sets the pace, pushing Jon’s head down and making him stay there and then dragging him back up by the hair and _fuck yeah_ that looks good and it feels good and Spencer maybe never wants it to stop even though he knows at some point it has to. The noises Jon is making are gorgeously obscene, the slurp of his sloppy mouth as he drags in breaths when Ryan lets him and the way he groans around his mouthful of cock are so ridiculously hot that Spencer thinks maybe if he wasn’t the one getting blown he could come just from listening. Because, fuck, Jon sounds so good and his mouth feels so good around Spencer and Ryan’s mouth feels good when he leans in for a kiss again and, Spencer really could get used to this.

Ryan takes his hand and puts it back in place on Jon’s head and pushes down like he’s showing Spencer what to do and Spencer wonders if there isn’t just a hint of permission being given there, or maybe it’s Ryan trying to say that he knows what Jon likes more than Spencer does and… no, Spencer isn’t going to think like that, he’s going to enjoy himself and worry when it’s all done. Not before. So he just smiles and twists his fingers hard in Jon’s hair and tugs his head up before guiding it back down, hips arching up at the vibrations of Jon’s moan against his cock, pushing his cock further down Jon’s throat until he feels him start to gag and he pulls Jon’s head back to give him a chance to breathe.

Ryan watches then nods, slides off the bed and roots through his bag coming up with a condom and a bottle of lube. He unbuckles his belt, unfastens his zip and lets his pants fall to the floor before crossing back to the bed, completely unfazed at being naked in front of Spencer. He kneels up behind Jon, pushing between Spencer’s legs which pushes Jon’s wider apart, hands circling Jon’s waist and tugging at Jon’s jeans, pulling them down and off. Jon lifts his mouth from Spencer’s cock for a moment to help Ryan, lifting one knee from the bed and then the other before dropping his head back down - Ryan pulls sharply at his hair, stops him and Spencer wants to say, _hey, no fair_ , but then Ryan guides Jon up to his mouth saying "Just, you know, while I get him ready you don’t want. Teeth." And Spencer thinks _oh yeah_ , and kisses Jon instead, tasting just a hint of himself on Jon’s tongue and liking the way that Jon rocks into him and then back on to Ryan’s fingers, as Spencer watches with his chin on Jon’s shoulder while Jon pants in his ear.

Ryan’s taking his time, running his free hand up and over Jon’s back and down across his ass, moving like the world’s in slow motion, like this is all new and Ryan needs to work out how he feels about it and what he needs to do. Spencer is pretty sure this isn’t the first time that Ryan has fucked Jon but he’s pretty sure this is the first time it’s happened with someone watching them and so maybe Ryan is putting on a performance, playing a part. Somehow that worries Spencer, it worries him that the RyanandJon he’s seeing is not the real thing, that Ryan is somehow holding that back, keeping some of it for himself and maybe Spencer can’t really blame him for doing it but at the same time it hits him hard that he wants to see the real them, wants to see them lost in each other and not play acting at being lovers just for his benefit. But he can’t work out how to say it, how to tell Ryan to let go and to be himself for a change and so he files that thought away with all his other doubts and kisses Jon again.

Finally, _finally_ Ryan stops taking his time, lines up his cock and pushes in. Spencer doesn’t see it happen but he knows it does by the way Jon’s breath hitches and he says Ryan’s name against Spencer’s lips. Spencer tears his mouth away from Jon’s and stares, because he has to see, has to know what it looks like.

Ryan is folded down over Jon’s body, mouthing at the back of his neck, mumbling words there so quietly that Spencer can’t make them out but he guesses, from the way Jon’s breathing is becoming harsh and erratic, that Ryan is telling Jon how good he feels and maybe how tight he is and what he’s going to do to him next. Ryan straightens up and Spencer can see the way that his body is flush to Jon’s ass, the way that Ryan’s back curves just slightly as he pushes himself in as far as he can and then Ryan’s hand is back in Jon’s hair guiding him back down to Spencer’s cock, and _fuck_ , the feel of it, the feel of Jon, wet and open-mouthed and moaning around him, with Ryan’s hips rocking him forward on to Spencer’s cock and Ryan’s hands on Jon’s hip and in Jon’s hair pulling him back. Spencer can’t help the way his hips thrust up in time with Ryan’s movements and suddenly everything is crystal clear and sharp and urgent and he knows, Spencer _knows_ he won’t last long not with the two of them fucking him. Because that’s how it feels, it feels like Ryan is right there against him with Jon, through Jon and it’s almost too much to bear. Like every single nerve impulse in Spencer’s body has been scraped raw and focused on his cock and on the feel of Jon’s mouth and Jon’s tongue and Jon’s lips sliding up and down him as Ryan rocks him back and forth. Spencer’s hips rise and fall from the bed and Jon just takes it, he just fucking takes it and Spencer can’t hold on any more, it’s too intense and the sparking and crackling under his skin is building so fast and so strong and Spencer winds his fingers into Jon’s hair and pushes down as his hips push up and he comes so hard his vision fades out and he sees stars behind his eyes.

When the room swims back into focus Jon is leaning against him, mouth open against his chest grunting out breaths as Ryan fucks into him harder now, faster, one hand gripping tight to Jon’s hips raising bruises to show where’s he’s been, the other hidden beneath Jon’s body, arm muscles flexing and moving in time with his thrusts and Spencer is torn between wanting to watch and wanting to touch as much of Jon as possible, wanting to be a part of Jon and Ryan, RyanandJon. And, in the end that’s what wins out.

Spencer slides down beneath Jon, spreading his legs around Ryan kneeling on the bed and pushing Jon’s legs wider apart as he does. Jon’s arms are shaking as he struggles to hold himself up, his balance shot to hell, so Spencer winds an arm around his waist, pulls him down so Jon’ s head is resting on his chest, Jon’s hands gripping his shoulders, Jon’s body angled up towards Ryan letting Ryan sink deeper, fuck into him harder. Spencer reaches his free hand between their bodies wrapping it round Ryan’s hand that’s sliding roughly on Jon’s cock. The angle isn’t great and Spencer doesn’t think he can hold it for long but it doesn’t matter because Jon jerks against him when he feels his hand join Ryan’s, a litany of curses falling from his mouth onto Spencer’s skin as he comes liquid-hot over their hands and Spencer’s belly. Spencer holds Jon as Ryan fucks him through the aftershocks, pressing kisses to his hair and riding the rhythm of Ryan’s thrusts with him until Ryan lets out a strangled moan and when Spencer looks up Ryan’s stretched out and taut, back arched, eyes fixed on the ceiling as his hips stutter and jerk to a halt, mouth open on a silent cry.

Ryan collapses spent on Jon’s back and Jon falls down with him and for a moment Spencer can feel the weight of both of them holding him down, pressing him into the mattress and it feels good and secure and uncomfortable all at the same time and that starts the nagging doubts in his head again. Wakens the voices before he’s ready to hear them as they tell him this is the only time he will feel this way and he was stupid to go through with it because he will _never_ be able to see them together again, no matter how innocently they are behaving, and not feel like he can look but he can’t touch and knowing that touching and being with them is the only thing he really wants.

When Ryan shifts, rolls to the side, then off the bed, standing and running a hand through his hair before heading for the bathroom, Spencer wants to call him back, ask him to lie down again on top of them and never move so that the moment will stretch on forever and he won’t have to deal with getting up and pulling his clothes on and walking out of the room. But he doesn’t because he knows he will sound pathetic and he thinks Ryan would laugh at him and Jon would join in and Spencer doesn’t need to hear that, not right now. So instead he rubs his hands across Jon’s back, smiles when Jon looks up at him and croaks out "Hey" before laughing at the gravel-rough sound of his own voice. He watches Ryan walk back into the room with a washcloth, leaning down to press a kiss to the base of Jon’s spine as he cleans him up and tries not to look like he misses him already when Jon rolls off him, smiling as he hands Spencer the cloth so he can wipe the mess off his stomach while Jon tangles himself up in Ryan’s arms and they kiss like Spencer is no longer in the room.

Spencer pushes himself off the bed and walks towards the bathroom, closes the door. Leans heavily on the sink, looks in the mirror and sees the way that his skin is still flushed and his eyes are still all pupil, blown wide from the weed they smoked and from the high of Jon and Ryan, of RyanandJon.

"You’re an idiot." he tells himself, "A fucking idiot. If you wanted to get laid that badly then you should have gone down to the bar and found someone who didn’t matter, someone who would have really been just for the night and not two people you have to see every single day." Spencer thinks from now on he’s going to listen to the voices in his head, take notice of them instead of banishing them to dark corners and ignoring their advice, and right now they’re telling him to get his clothes and get the hell out of here and go find somewhere nice and private where he can lick his wounds in peace. Spencer splashes water on his face, makes a show of flushing the toilet to cover up why he’s taken so long and walks back into the room.

Jon and Ryan have moved to the other bed, the clean one that doesn’t have ash and a myriad of other new stains on it that housekeeping is going to just _love_ , and they’re already nestled together under the covers. Ryan’s head pillowed on Jon’s shoulder, Jon’s arm draped around Ryan’s neck. Spencer’s jeans are in the space between the two beds and as he bends to pull them on he hears Jon say _hey,_ and feels Jon’s hand on his back. Spencer shrugs if off, steps into his pants, turns and sits on the wreck of the other bed to put his shoes on and doesn’t look at them, doesn’t say a word because, right now, he doesn’t trust his voice or what he might say.

He stands, meaning to walk to the other side of the bed to get his shirt but Jon catches his arm and pulls him back.

"Hey, you don’t get to leave, Spencer Smith, you’re staying right here."

"I need a shower." Spencer knows it’s a lame excuse but it’s the first thing he can think of.

Jon tugs at his arm pulling him on to the bed. "Shower later, sleep now."

"I should get back to my room." Spencer frantically searches his mind for a reason. "Brendon will be wondering where I am"

"Brendon is probably using his alone time to have wild crazy phone sex with Cash." Okay, Spencer thinks, maybe Jon has a point there. "You don’t want to interrupt that, right? Stay."

"Fine. I’ll just take the other bed then." Spencer stands up and kicks his shoes off again.

"Jesus, what the fuck, Spencer?" This time Jon tugs on his arm so hard that Spencer falls on top of him. "Do we have to tie you to the bed or something?"

"No, it’s just, you two," Spencer waves his hand vaguely in the air, making Jon duck to avoid being slapped in the face. "I don’t want to be in the way."

"Oh my god, Spencer." Ryan throws off the covers and gets out of the bed and walks round it until he’s standing on Spencer’s side saying, "Move!" not climbing back in until Spencer and Jon shift over and Spencer is sandwiched between them. "What part of ‘we want you this isn’t a one time thing’ didn’t you get?"

"The part where neither of you mentioned that this wasn’t just a one time thing?" Spencer is pretty damn sure no one mentioned _that_ at any point.

"It isn’t, okay?" Ryan at least has the decency to look a tiny bit sorry for not mentioning it sooner. "We’re serious, the three of us, from now on."

"We have plans, lots of plans." Jon kisses Spencer’s shoulder and grins "Mainly involving sex."

Spencer finally lets himself relax, lets himself smile back at Jon as he says, "Yeah, okay. I think I get that part."

"Good." Ryan presses a quick kiss to Spencer’s lips, smiling sleepily at him as he pulls back. "Sleep now, talking later."

"So, that tying me to the bed thing?" Spencer’s only really talking now for the sake of it, and maybe to get a rise out of Ryan because honestly? Doing that never gets old. "Is that one of your plans? ‘Cos, you know, not really my thing, _but_ I could totally get behind tying Jon to something immovable at some point in the near future."

Spencer would keep going because Jon is laughing quietly beside him, but Ryan slaps a hand across his mouth, saying "Shut the fuck up and go to sleep. We can talk about who gets tied to what in the morning." And Spencer thinks that yeah, this probably is the dumbest idea any of them has ever had, but fuck it, he’s happy and he’s warm and he’s comfortable with Jon on one side of him and Ryan on the other and, for now, he’s going to stop worrying and just enjoy it.


End file.
